Tears are interesting things aren't they? Water leaking out of your eyes. Sometimes gently, sometimes in streams. Sometimes with laughter and smiles, and sometimes with heart ripping pain. It is something that everyone does - just some more easily than others. This blog is for those who struggle to cry - although anyone can read it :-)
What gives me the authority to take on such a subject? Probably that I have been one of those people for most of my life. Ask my family. Did I cry? Do I cry? Yes. Very often? No. Things that bring others to tears in joy or sorrow very rarely caused the same response in me. Sure I felt, but there was rarely a shedding of tears. But I will tell you, frequently when there were tears, it was a big, ugly cry. Maybe because it didn't happen all that often.
So is it ok to not cry? Am I promoting some "cry every day" idea? No. And I'm not even saying you have to cry. For the most part, my emotions are fairly even keel - although at times they do go haywire (ahhhh the joys of being female). But if not crying is part of your signature, I'd like to challenge you to think about why. It was part of mine, and God's been teaching me a few things....
Do you know why we cry? Did you know there were different kinds of tears? Did you know they are composed differently? - No, it's not just water dripping out of your eyeballs. I didn't but it fascinates me. So we have basal tears, reflex tears, and emotional tears.
Basal tears flow continuously over the eye to cleanse and lubricate the eye. Basal tears have a mucus layer that sits on the eye, a watery layer in the middle and an oily layer on top, to keep them from evaporating. So.... unless you have medical dry eye, you can no longer claim, "I never cry." Kinda weird to think about - we are actually crying almost all the time - it's healthy for the eyes.
Then there are the reflex tears. These happen when a rogue eyelash gets stuck to the eye or you chop up an onion. These help clear the eyes of irritants. The make up is pretty similar to the basal tears, except the water layer is larger and they have antibodies to fend off harmful organisms quickly. FYI - the onion irritant is the sulfur gas that is let off when you cut an onion (in case you were wondering).
And then there are the emotional tears. Emotional tears contain an enkephalin, an endorphin, and a natural pain killer. All things that help calm and soothe the body. Anyone ever feel like a good cry makes them feel better? Science supports that ya know. Emotional tears communicate feelings and create feelings in others. Unfortunately, this isn't always a good thing. Because they stimulate feelings in others, they can be used to be manipulative.
And maybe this is why you don't cry. You've been accused of being manipulative with your tears. Or maybe you don't cry because you heard, "quit crying or I'll give you something to cry about" one too many times. Perhaps it was that "big girls don't cry" or "be a man - suck it up, don't cry." And so it became easier not to cry. And heaven help us when we did - it HURT!! So one more reason not to cry. Too much pain - from multiple sources.
But you know what? Much like the eyes need tears to stay healthy, the heart needs tears to be cleansed and healed. The shortest verse in the Bible says, "Jesus wept." Tears must be important. But perhaps even more important is who we take them to.
Hebrews 5:7 "In the days of his flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears, to him who was able to save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverence." Jesus cried - can you imagine the garden before his crucifixion? I'm pretty sure there were tears there. But as he cried out to His Father - he was also able to say "not my will but yours be done."
It's ok to cry. But take it to the One who can heal. Take it to the One who will use the tears as a wash over the hurting, tender places of the heart. Let them flow and let God hold you through them.
Saturday, October 19, 2019
In the desert - but not forgotten
One of my very favorite places in the world has, for many years, been the desert. I'm not sure why. For many people the desert is barren and dry with little beauty. For me, the barrenness is part of the beauty. When the landscape isn't crowded by grass and trees and buildings, you can see the specks of color and beauty much more clearly.
Perhaps the other reason I love the desert is Hosea 2:14, "But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her there." The first time I went to the desert (physically) God was using it to begin to draw me to His heart. It would be many years later before I finally responded to His voice, but it was a start to begin to see beauty.
I am reminded of that during my desert times now. It may take awhile as I am still hard-headed and prideful, but He keeps me in the desert until my eyes refocus and I see the beauty in the lessons learned there. I don't always like it initially, but it is where He shows me His greatest love. It is here that He draws me to be alone with Him, to experience both rebuke and encouragement. It is in the desert times that His beauty comes into focus and He makes my life more beautiful as well.
There is a struggle, however, with the desert time. You see, the desert is home to many snakes, poisonous snakes. The spiritual desert is no different. The Serpent and his minions like to hang out here and try to bite and scare us away from the lessons of the desert. Some people never get away to this place of quiet contemplation and beauty because they allow the Serpent or his minions to scare them away. Yes, their rattles are a scary sound. But the rattles are a sound of their fear - knowing that the most beautiful lessons are found in the desert.
I've said all of that to help you see my most recent desert experience. The lesson is painfully beautiful - I'm still picking out thorns, but I definitely see the beauty of the cactus flower. I was struggling with the thought that I was a simple convenience. In life, in relationships, when I was helpful or able to contribute, people wanted me around. Otherwise, I felt forgotten. Sometimes it is a hard place being single, but then again I don't think being married prevents the feelings of being forgotten either (squirrel). It was like people knew I would be there and always be available to help - I was dependable. But there were stretches of time that I felt as though no one wanted to be with me, just for relationship and the bonds of knowing and being known. Yes. I will acknowledge these as very dangerous thoughts and a significant distortion of the truth. I am loved and known and being known, but I was still listening to the rattling lies.
So God did what He so sweetly does sometimes and dropped me right into the middle of the desert where the sounds of the rattles got louder. It became harder to not hear the lies and as I moved around trying to escape, I kept falling into thorny cacti. Ouch. And then I cried out - God, what am I supposed to learn? Please, the pain is great and I am scared. And then the rain began.
There is nothing like rain in the desert. The smell is amazing and following it brings green and flowers and beauty that is amazing. And in the rain I heard, "My child, you are never forgotten." Isaiah 49:16, "Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands..." God, I don't think I feel forgotten by you - I know you are always there. Oh, but there is always more...
"Carrie, you have asked why you feel as though sometimes you are just a commodity or convenience. Your help is asked for when needed, but you feel as though otherwise, you are simply a token. People know you are dependable, and aren't going anywhere. So you sometimes feel neglected when you feel you aren't just loving and living life with others. Relationship that is about just being. Your expectations in the moment aren't being met and you listen to the rattles. Am I right?"
You're God. You made me. You know me better than anyone so of course you are right.
"I want you to try this idea on then. Do you take me for granted? Don't you think I want to just be with you - to be known by you, without expectation? I just want to live life with you - love you and be loved by you. Yet how often do you treat me just as a token - someone who will always be there, dependable, but when not needed, neglected."
Ummm.....
"I appreciate the time you spend in prayer, and in my word; but I want more. I want you to be with me out of the sheer joy and love of being, not so you can check me off a list. Yes, I will bring you into the desert to win your heart back. I will let you hear the lies, but will offer you my truth. That truth is that I want you - no expectation. Don't relegate me to times of help, live and love with me everyday. Do you want to experience the joy of relationship with me?"
Of course I do.
Psalm 16:11, "You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."
"Stay in my presence daughter. If you want to experience that fullness of joy, live life with me. Not because you have to but because you want me more than anything. Taste my love - I want you. No expectation. Just life with you. Then as you know this deep love with me, you will be able to hear beyond the lies of the Serpent and know that I have given you those who do enjoy life with you. Let them love you. No expectation. For as you spend time in my presence, you will find fullness of joy in every area of your life. You will bring my joy with you and people like that in you. Not because of you, but because you are living life with me. Does this make sense?"
Yes. It does. I do want you, but I haven't really been living like that. I have been expecting you to just be there when needed, but not pursuing much beyond that. I do want your fullness of joy - it can't be manufactured. It isn't dependent on life - just on you. Yes, let's do that. And thank you for helping me to hear the lies for what they are. Develop my joy and communion with others as I go deeper into that filling from you. I feel your rain and see the blooms. Thank you for this time in the desert.
Perhaps the other reason I love the desert is Hosea 2:14, "But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her there." The first time I went to the desert (physically) God was using it to begin to draw me to His heart. It would be many years later before I finally responded to His voice, but it was a start to begin to see beauty.
I am reminded of that during my desert times now. It may take awhile as I am still hard-headed and prideful, but He keeps me in the desert until my eyes refocus and I see the beauty in the lessons learned there. I don't always like it initially, but it is where He shows me His greatest love. It is here that He draws me to be alone with Him, to experience both rebuke and encouragement. It is in the desert times that His beauty comes into focus and He makes my life more beautiful as well.
There is a struggle, however, with the desert time. You see, the desert is home to many snakes, poisonous snakes. The spiritual desert is no different. The Serpent and his minions like to hang out here and try to bite and scare us away from the lessons of the desert. Some people never get away to this place of quiet contemplation and beauty because they allow the Serpent or his minions to scare them away. Yes, their rattles are a scary sound. But the rattles are a sound of their fear - knowing that the most beautiful lessons are found in the desert.
I've said all of that to help you see my most recent desert experience. The lesson is painfully beautiful - I'm still picking out thorns, but I definitely see the beauty of the cactus flower. I was struggling with the thought that I was a simple convenience. In life, in relationships, when I was helpful or able to contribute, people wanted me around. Otherwise, I felt forgotten. Sometimes it is a hard place being single, but then again I don't think being married prevents the feelings of being forgotten either (squirrel). It was like people knew I would be there and always be available to help - I was dependable. But there were stretches of time that I felt as though no one wanted to be with me, just for relationship and the bonds of knowing and being known. Yes. I will acknowledge these as very dangerous thoughts and a significant distortion of the truth. I am loved and known and being known, but I was still listening to the rattling lies.
So God did what He so sweetly does sometimes and dropped me right into the middle of the desert where the sounds of the rattles got louder. It became harder to not hear the lies and as I moved around trying to escape, I kept falling into thorny cacti. Ouch. And then I cried out - God, what am I supposed to learn? Please, the pain is great and I am scared. And then the rain began.
There is nothing like rain in the desert. The smell is amazing and following it brings green and flowers and beauty that is amazing. And in the rain I heard, "My child, you are never forgotten." Isaiah 49:16, "Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands..." God, I don't think I feel forgotten by you - I know you are always there. Oh, but there is always more...
"Carrie, you have asked why you feel as though sometimes you are just a commodity or convenience. Your help is asked for when needed, but you feel as though otherwise, you are simply a token. People know you are dependable, and aren't going anywhere. So you sometimes feel neglected when you feel you aren't just loving and living life with others. Relationship that is about just being. Your expectations in the moment aren't being met and you listen to the rattles. Am I right?"
You're God. You made me. You know me better than anyone so of course you are right.
"I want you to try this idea on then. Do you take me for granted? Don't you think I want to just be with you - to be known by you, without expectation? I just want to live life with you - love you and be loved by you. Yet how often do you treat me just as a token - someone who will always be there, dependable, but when not needed, neglected."
Ummm.....
"I appreciate the time you spend in prayer, and in my word; but I want more. I want you to be with me out of the sheer joy and love of being, not so you can check me off a list. Yes, I will bring you into the desert to win your heart back. I will let you hear the lies, but will offer you my truth. That truth is that I want you - no expectation. Don't relegate me to times of help, live and love with me everyday. Do you want to experience the joy of relationship with me?"
Of course I do.
Psalm 16:11, "You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."
"Stay in my presence daughter. If you want to experience that fullness of joy, live life with me. Not because you have to but because you want me more than anything. Taste my love - I want you. No expectation. Just life with you. Then as you know this deep love with me, you will be able to hear beyond the lies of the Serpent and know that I have given you those who do enjoy life with you. Let them love you. No expectation. For as you spend time in my presence, you will find fullness of joy in every area of your life. You will bring my joy with you and people like that in you. Not because of you, but because you are living life with me. Does this make sense?"
Yes. It does. I do want you, but I haven't really been living like that. I have been expecting you to just be there when needed, but not pursuing much beyond that. I do want your fullness of joy - it can't be manufactured. It isn't dependent on life - just on you. Yes, let's do that. And thank you for helping me to hear the lies for what they are. Develop my joy and communion with others as I go deeper into that filling from you. I feel your rain and see the blooms. Thank you for this time in the desert.
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