OK, just so you know - I have two other unfinished "draft" blogs that maybe one day I'll publish. I've found this is a good medium for me to write/say what's going on and what I'm being taught and learning. It's good because I'm not a talk about feelings kind of person. I'm quite content to keep to myself, thank you very much. I saw an eCard the other day that said "I'm not crying. I'm allergic to feelings." Ouch - how true that is of me most days. But for the few people who might read this blog - here's real life. Here's the real heart and soul of at least some of what I'm learning and . . . gulp . . . feeling.
OK, so not a new revelation per se - but a good, swift kick in the pants for me. Friends. What? Yeah, so? No, you don't get it. Friends, compadres, soul sisters, BFFs - call it what you want but you gotta have them. And you can't ever take them for granted because they truly are a gift from God. Let me explain.
Most of us (or me anyway) have lots of people we are friendly with. We have lots of acquaintances and people that we are comfortable being around. We can have a good time with them, enjoy game night or a movie or pick your activity and it's nice. And it's comfortable. And that's good - we should all strive for those people. They help keep life good.
But then there are the friends. These are the people who "get you." These are the people who have seen you at your very worst but love you anyway. These are the people who want to know more than just the superficial about what is going on in your life. Some of the people you are friendly with may want to know that too - but for different reasons. They are curious, but truthfully uncommitted to whatever you share. Your friends want to go beyond the superficial because there is a commitment. There is action on their part when you share your story. And your friends share their life and their stories too. It's a two way street.
Those people whom I'm friendly with - most of the time, I know more about them then they will ever know about me. That's the kind of person apparently I am. A "friend" told me last night I was a manipulator - not necessarily a bad thing, but I liked to be in control of situations. I told her she was nuts and wrong. And her response was to consider the people I know and how much I know about them and then how much they know about me. Grudgingly I'll give her half a point in that arena. Let me clarify - I'm never going to share everything with everybody. There is no need and some things are just better left on a need to know basis. There are things that I'll share with one person because at the time, that's what is needed. I may never share it with anyone else ever again. But apparently my MO is to get through the back door and into other peoples' heads while protecting myself from their curiosity. I think of Snape trying to teach Harry Potter occlumency (ok random I know) when I consider how I might be perceived sometimes. But I digress.
Friends. These are the people who love you, fight for you and will kick your butt when you're being an idiot. The people who know your quirks and your talents, your likes and dislikes, your dog's name. They've got your back. Like here are some for examples:
They know Saturday mornings are hard times to hang out alone so they call you for Starbucks and you go every Saturday morning for like 3 or 4 years.
They travel with you for a couple of weeks at a time and still like to hang out when you get home.
They take time to come over and make sure your dog is ok while you're at work - even on days you don't expect them.
They share their past to let you know you aren't the only person with one.
They listen to your struggles and pray you through them.
They hug like Jesus - even when they know you're not a "touchy feely" person. They do it anyway.
They hold you accountable to your goals and dreams - and asks you to do the same for them.
They live Jesus before you and challenge you to live for Him too.
I've been blessed with a few really good friends - true gifts. But what I was reminded of today is you have to let them know. You never know when it will be the last time to tell them how much you appreciate them, what they mean to you, what they've done for you. You never know what difference it could mean to share how important they are to you. You just never know when they'll be gone or you'll be gone. You just don't know and so let your friends know and frequently how important they are to you and how glad you are they are in your life. Make the most of every opportunity. Thank them and thank God for them. They truly are a gift!!
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Monday, August 26, 2013
Jesus in Disguise
Have you ever had a relatively average kind of day, where nothing too out of the ordinary is occurring and then God shows up? OK, so first, let me make it perfectly clear that having an average, nothing out of the ordinary kind of day - especially on a Monday, isn't a bad thing. But and however, I'll take an interruption from God over average any day!
So I'm up seeing this patient today - making an observation so to speak. There is a physician at bedside speaking with the patient so I'm just standing toward the back of the room so as not to disturb the conversation. The lunch lady comes in with a tray and sets it on the patient's bedside table.
So said physician and patient finish their conversation and the physician asks, "Would you like me to help you raise the back of your bed so you can sit up to eat?" The patient answers yes, so the physician helps raise the back of the patient's bed and then even pulled the food tray over to the patient's lap. That was truly nice and helpful and more than a lot of people would have done. Unfortunately, we as health care workers get so focused on the patient that we often miss the person in the bed. But the bed, the food tray help - this would be a good ending to a nice "feel good about people in the world story" and everyone would be happy, right? Except - God showed up!
Conversation continues:
MD: Let's see what is for lunch. (takes lid off the plate - a sandwich). Would it make it easier if I cut it for you?
Patient: Yes
MD: (Taking a knife and fork, begins to cut the sandwich) We ask the kids if they want 2 triangles or 4. Which would be better for you?
Patient: Four (MD complies)
MD: (takes lid off soup) You could dip your sandwich in here to make it a bit softer. (opens another container) Looks like dessert. (moves to tea glass) Do you need some sweetener in your tea?
Patient: Yes
MD: One or two packets?
Patient: Two
MD: (Mixing in the sweetener and then replacing the lid and straw and moving the glass down closer to the patient to make sure it is easier to reach) Is there anything else I can do for you?
Patient: No
MD: OK, well then, I will see you tomorrow. (exit room)
OK so the patient responses are shortened, but you get the gist, right? So did you see Him? Did you see God show up? Let me show you...
1st John 4:8 - "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love."
1st John 4:16 - "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them."
1st Corinthians 13:4 - "Love is patient. Love is kind."
So now do you see Him? That physician had other patients to see, other things to do, charts to write and the list goes on. But that physician took the time to be patient and kind and in doing so was sharing God's love. And in doing so, was also giving a living lesson to this observer about how to live like and be like Jesus.
How often do we miss opportunities to be Jesus to others and to share His love because we are too busy or too self-focused or in too much of a hurry to take care of what we think is urgent rather than stopping and doing that which is important - loving people the way God does. Looking at it from another angle - how often each day is He patient and kind to us and with us? With all we see and hear about going on in our world today, He still took time to make the sun shine or a bird sing or a new song from a friend or . . . The point being, He is always patient and kind with us. What a gift it was today to see someone truly being God's loving hands.
That physician probably didn't even think about what was going on or what they were doing - it needed to be done and so the physician did it. How often do we, in our "busyness'" do the only what most people would think is nice (help raise a bed and pull over a food tray) when we could do what is loving? "By this everyone will know you are my disciples, if you love one another." (Jn 13:35) How do we show and share Jesus? Seems like He's made it pretty obvious - we love. And how do we love? By having tangible ways of being patient and kind and not envying and being humble and etc. That's how we truly share God's love. That's how we are Jesus in this world.
I'm glad I got to see this lesson today - it truly made for a not so ordinary Monday! And it's just cool to see all the ways God reveals Himself to us and ways He shows us how to be more like Him. That physician didn't recognize what was done, but what that patient saw and what this observer saw was Jesus in disguise.
So I'm up seeing this patient today - making an observation so to speak. There is a physician at bedside speaking with the patient so I'm just standing toward the back of the room so as not to disturb the conversation. The lunch lady comes in with a tray and sets it on the patient's bedside table.
So said physician and patient finish their conversation and the physician asks, "Would you like me to help you raise the back of your bed so you can sit up to eat?" The patient answers yes, so the physician helps raise the back of the patient's bed and then even pulled the food tray over to the patient's lap. That was truly nice and helpful and more than a lot of people would have done. Unfortunately, we as health care workers get so focused on the patient that we often miss the person in the bed. But the bed, the food tray help - this would be a good ending to a nice "feel good about people in the world story" and everyone would be happy, right? Except - God showed up!
Conversation continues:
MD: Let's see what is for lunch. (takes lid off the plate - a sandwich). Would it make it easier if I cut it for you?
Patient: Yes
MD: (Taking a knife and fork, begins to cut the sandwich) We ask the kids if they want 2 triangles or 4. Which would be better for you?
Patient: Four (MD complies)
MD: (takes lid off soup) You could dip your sandwich in here to make it a bit softer. (opens another container) Looks like dessert. (moves to tea glass) Do you need some sweetener in your tea?
Patient: Yes
MD: One or two packets?
Patient: Two
MD: (Mixing in the sweetener and then replacing the lid and straw and moving the glass down closer to the patient to make sure it is easier to reach) Is there anything else I can do for you?
Patient: No
MD: OK, well then, I will see you tomorrow. (exit room)
OK so the patient responses are shortened, but you get the gist, right? So did you see Him? Did you see God show up? Let me show you...
1st John 4:8 - "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love."
1st John 4:16 - "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them."
1st Corinthians 13:4 - "Love is patient. Love is kind."
So now do you see Him? That physician had other patients to see, other things to do, charts to write and the list goes on. But that physician took the time to be patient and kind and in doing so was sharing God's love. And in doing so, was also giving a living lesson to this observer about how to live like and be like Jesus.
How often do we miss opportunities to be Jesus to others and to share His love because we are too busy or too self-focused or in too much of a hurry to take care of what we think is urgent rather than stopping and doing that which is important - loving people the way God does. Looking at it from another angle - how often each day is He patient and kind to us and with us? With all we see and hear about going on in our world today, He still took time to make the sun shine or a bird sing or a new song from a friend or . . . The point being, He is always patient and kind with us. What a gift it was today to see someone truly being God's loving hands.
That physician probably didn't even think about what was going on or what they were doing - it needed to be done and so the physician did it. How often do we, in our "busyness'" do the only what most people would think is nice (help raise a bed and pull over a food tray) when we could do what is loving? "By this everyone will know you are my disciples, if you love one another." (Jn 13:35) How do we show and share Jesus? Seems like He's made it pretty obvious - we love. And how do we love? By having tangible ways of being patient and kind and not envying and being humble and etc. That's how we truly share God's love. That's how we are Jesus in this world.
I'm glad I got to see this lesson today - it truly made for a not so ordinary Monday! And it's just cool to see all the ways God reveals Himself to us and ways He shows us how to be more like Him. That physician didn't recognize what was done, but what that patient saw and what this observer saw was Jesus in disguise.
Friday, August 23, 2013
What do I know of Holy?
I have no idea what made me think about blogging again. I mean it's been well over a year. I can write and sometimes I can be quite lengthy. Mostly though, it's when I am trying to say what's on my heart because it doesn't always come out of my mouth the way it comes out of my hands. Does that make sense to anyone at all????? Randomness . . .
Anyway, so because I need a place to vent some of my thoughts and feelings and I'm pretty sure some of my friends are getting a little tired of listening, this just seems like a good medium to get it out. Don't think too many people read this, which is probably a good thing. But for those who do - you know me well enough to understand how random I can me and how my thoughts can flit around never quite landing in any one place for too long.
So here goes. . . I have this friend, who for her protection shall remain nameless. But for a cup of coffee and some of your time, I might slip up and tell you. Anyway (see random?) we've been having some interesting discussions as of late and so one night she asks if I like music. Duh - for those of you who don't know, I was a radio DJ through high school (KUGT - The Light). So yes, I love music. So she sent a few songs and they were nice and I felt this "thing" in my heart. Brushed it aside - just thinking I must have taken a drink wrong or something. I'm going to fast forward here a bit - there's a lot of stuff in between but I'll save that for a future blog (which will hopefully be sooner than another year and a half from now).
Anyway - to last night. We are chatting right? And she's like "I'm off to bed." And then she sends a link and says goodnight. I'm going to have to remember that nothing she sends is just a nice innocent song. Actually, I should know that by now. She likes the song and what it's saying and is listening to the words and decides to send it my way. This has happened more than once. But and however, here's the deal - she's in cahoots with the Holy Spirit. One day I'm going to actually remember that. But I digress.
What do I know of Holy? I was like - cool, I've heard the song on the radio and really like it. What a nice thought - and click the link. Now, it's like 10 pm. Things are quiet. Ahhh just a nice inspirational song.....
Have you ever heard the words???? I mean really listened to them????? Maybe it was being able to read them that helped. Maybe it was God (probably it was God giving me the words to read). Here, let me quote some of it for you:
"I made you promises a thousand times, I tried to hear from Heaven, But I talked the whole time, I think I made you too small, I never feared you at all, No, If you touched my face would I know You? Looked into my eyes could I behold You?" Ummm ok, sounds a bit too familiar and maybe a little uncomfortable. But it's a good song.
"So What do I know of You, Who spoke me into motion? Where have I even stood, But the shore along your ocean? Are You fire? Are You fury? Are You sacred? Are You beautiful? So what do I know? What do I know of holy?" I stopped what I was doing and looked at the screen and watched the words.
"I guess I thought that I had figured You out, I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about, How You were mighty to save, Those were only empty words on a page, Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be, The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees" And now I'm having trouble even putting a coherent thought together.
"So What do I know of You, Who spoke me into motion? Where have I even stood, But the shore along your ocean? Are You fire? Are You fury? Are You sacred? Are You beautiful? So what do I know? What do I know of holy?"
"What do I know of Holy? What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame? And a God who gave life it's name? What do I know of Holy? Of the One who the angels praise? All creation knows Your name, On earth and heaven above, What do I know of this love?"
Thank you Addison Road.
And a couple more choruses and it's over. But it is truly far from over. I start getting my stuff picked up and ready to head back to bed, but something is nagging and tugging and kinda hurting - something just doesn't feel right. So ok - maybe I should pray. Inspirational songs kind of put you in that mood right?
And then it is like a full on Mac Truck. "What do I know of Holy?" Silence. "What do I know of Holy?" Pain ripping my insides (seriously guys who know me - I tolerate pain pretty well, right?) like nothing I've ever felt. And it hits me again: What do I know of Holy? And suddenly He's not this Loving Heavenly Father or my "best friend" or even the Savior of the World. We are talking about THE HOLY GOD.
I now think I know exactly how Isaiah felt when he said, "Woe to me! I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty." (Isaiah 6:5)
Let me tell you something - having an audience with THE HOLY GOD is an automatic on your knees and on your face experience. Because here's the thing - if you can even begin to wrap your mind about what it means that God is Holy - you suddenly realize that you are in a position you have no right to be in. And you know what, sometimes we need to be in that position.
So here's what I learned (or at least some of it):
First, I am absolutely unworthy to even be in the presence of THE HOLY GOD because of the disgustingness of my sin.
Second, for some reason that I cannot comprehend, THE HOLY GOD loved me enough to send His One and Only Son to take all that horror and disgustingness on Himself so that I could be right where I was.
Third, it dawned on me that I have a pretty narrow perspective of who God is and how he is so commonplace in my life. It dawned on me that I have no idea what a relationship with THE HOLY GOD is really like because you know what? He's my friend and He's my loving Heavenly Father and He's good and kind and . . . But how quickly I forgot - He is also HOLY. Try wrapping your brain around that thought. Yeah - I couldn't either.
But you know what? He's not someone who just does things on a whim. He doesn't turn you inside out just for fun times on Thursday night. EVERYTHING has purpose. So how do you respond? What can you say or do when you're in the presence of THE HOLY GOD and realize that is who He is? And then realizing that He sent His Son, His ONLY Son, to make it so I could even be in His presence. Jesus took everything disgusting and evil and ugly about me onto Himself and then became my sacrifice - He took my place and shed His blood so that I could be clean. With His blood He bought me and cleansed me so that I could even be in the presence of THE HOLY GOD and not die. That's a pretty high price to pay.
So what is my response? "Hey thanks God, I really appreciate it. Let's do this again sometime - you're pretty cool to hang out with." Seriously??? Ummm no. Going back to Isaiah: "Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?' And I said, 'Here am I. Send me'!" (Isaiah 6:8). Surrender. Simple word, hard to do, hard to live. But it's coming to the end of me. Recognizing that I am not my own - I was bought at a price. Coming to the end of what I want and who I am and I and I and I. Recognizing that it's about Him - always about Him and bringing Him the glory and honor that is his due. Realizing that THE HOLY GOD wants me in His presence and did everything to ensure I could be - left nothing up to me. How utterly humbling.
So is it going to be easy? Nope. Living on "Me Street" is the easiest, most natural place to be. But you know what, it's the last place I should be. Is surrender easy? Nope - hurts worse than a dislocated shoulder because of this root we all have called pride. Is it worth it? Well, was I worth it? I mean, let's remember THE HOLY GOD sacrificed His One and Only Son when I was still a sinner, His enemy. He thought I was worth it. So is He worth it? Is surrender worth the pain? Is it worth whatever the cost? I was to Him. How could I give any less than everything back to Him?
Do I have it all figured out? Is it easy breezin from here on out because I've got it all together? Ummm - y'all don't know me very well. . . After going through this last night - this morning was a fresh time to surrender again. Because my will and my wants and my ways creep back in so easily. This is a day by day, minute by minute learning and living. In this earth, I'm never going to have it all together. I just pray that progressively (cause it won't be perfectly) I become more and more surrendered to THE HOLY GOD and learn to relinquish self so that it is all about Him and His glory.
What do I know of Holy?
Anyway, so because I need a place to vent some of my thoughts and feelings and I'm pretty sure some of my friends are getting a little tired of listening, this just seems like a good medium to get it out. Don't think too many people read this, which is probably a good thing. But for those who do - you know me well enough to understand how random I can me and how my thoughts can flit around never quite landing in any one place for too long.
So here goes. . . I have this friend, who for her protection shall remain nameless. But for a cup of coffee and some of your time, I might slip up and tell you. Anyway (see random?) we've been having some interesting discussions as of late and so one night she asks if I like music. Duh - for those of you who don't know, I was a radio DJ through high school (KUGT - The Light). So yes, I love music. So she sent a few songs and they were nice and I felt this "thing" in my heart. Brushed it aside - just thinking I must have taken a drink wrong or something. I'm going to fast forward here a bit - there's a lot of stuff in between but I'll save that for a future blog (which will hopefully be sooner than another year and a half from now).
Anyway - to last night. We are chatting right? And she's like "I'm off to bed." And then she sends a link and says goodnight. I'm going to have to remember that nothing she sends is just a nice innocent song. Actually, I should know that by now. She likes the song and what it's saying and is listening to the words and decides to send it my way. This has happened more than once. But and however, here's the deal - she's in cahoots with the Holy Spirit. One day I'm going to actually remember that. But I digress.
What do I know of Holy? I was like - cool, I've heard the song on the radio and really like it. What a nice thought - and click the link. Now, it's like 10 pm. Things are quiet. Ahhh just a nice inspirational song.....
Have you ever heard the words???? I mean really listened to them????? Maybe it was being able to read them that helped. Maybe it was God (probably it was God giving me the words to read). Here, let me quote some of it for you:
"I made you promises a thousand times, I tried to hear from Heaven, But I talked the whole time, I think I made you too small, I never feared you at all, No, If you touched my face would I know You? Looked into my eyes could I behold You?" Ummm ok, sounds a bit too familiar and maybe a little uncomfortable. But it's a good song.
"So What do I know of You, Who spoke me into motion? Where have I even stood, But the shore along your ocean? Are You fire? Are You fury? Are You sacred? Are You beautiful? So what do I know? What do I know of holy?" I stopped what I was doing and looked at the screen and watched the words.
"I guess I thought that I had figured You out, I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about, How You were mighty to save, Those were only empty words on a page, Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be, The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees" And now I'm having trouble even putting a coherent thought together.
"So What do I know of You, Who spoke me into motion? Where have I even stood, But the shore along your ocean? Are You fire? Are You fury? Are You sacred? Are You beautiful? So what do I know? What do I know of holy?"
"What do I know of Holy? What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame? And a God who gave life it's name? What do I know of Holy? Of the One who the angels praise? All creation knows Your name, On earth and heaven above, What do I know of this love?"
Thank you Addison Road.
And a couple more choruses and it's over. But it is truly far from over. I start getting my stuff picked up and ready to head back to bed, but something is nagging and tugging and kinda hurting - something just doesn't feel right. So ok - maybe I should pray. Inspirational songs kind of put you in that mood right?
And then it is like a full on Mac Truck. "What do I know of Holy?" Silence. "What do I know of Holy?" Pain ripping my insides (seriously guys who know me - I tolerate pain pretty well, right?) like nothing I've ever felt. And it hits me again: What do I know of Holy? And suddenly He's not this Loving Heavenly Father or my "best friend" or even the Savior of the World. We are talking about THE HOLY GOD.
I now think I know exactly how Isaiah felt when he said, "Woe to me! I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty." (Isaiah 6:5)
Let me tell you something - having an audience with THE HOLY GOD is an automatic on your knees and on your face experience. Because here's the thing - if you can even begin to wrap your mind about what it means that God is Holy - you suddenly realize that you are in a position you have no right to be in. And you know what, sometimes we need to be in that position.
So here's what I learned (or at least some of it):
First, I am absolutely unworthy to even be in the presence of THE HOLY GOD because of the disgustingness of my sin.
Second, for some reason that I cannot comprehend, THE HOLY GOD loved me enough to send His One and Only Son to take all that horror and disgustingness on Himself so that I could be right where I was.
Third, it dawned on me that I have a pretty narrow perspective of who God is and how he is so commonplace in my life. It dawned on me that I have no idea what a relationship with THE HOLY GOD is really like because you know what? He's my friend and He's my loving Heavenly Father and He's good and kind and . . . But how quickly I forgot - He is also HOLY. Try wrapping your brain around that thought. Yeah - I couldn't either.
But you know what? He's not someone who just does things on a whim. He doesn't turn you inside out just for fun times on Thursday night. EVERYTHING has purpose. So how do you respond? What can you say or do when you're in the presence of THE HOLY GOD and realize that is who He is? And then realizing that He sent His Son, His ONLY Son, to make it so I could even be in His presence. Jesus took everything disgusting and evil and ugly about me onto Himself and then became my sacrifice - He took my place and shed His blood so that I could be clean. With His blood He bought me and cleansed me so that I could even be in the presence of THE HOLY GOD and not die. That's a pretty high price to pay.
So what is my response? "Hey thanks God, I really appreciate it. Let's do this again sometime - you're pretty cool to hang out with." Seriously??? Ummm no. Going back to Isaiah: "Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?' And I said, 'Here am I. Send me'!" (Isaiah 6:8). Surrender. Simple word, hard to do, hard to live. But it's coming to the end of me. Recognizing that I am not my own - I was bought at a price. Coming to the end of what I want and who I am and I and I and I. Recognizing that it's about Him - always about Him and bringing Him the glory and honor that is his due. Realizing that THE HOLY GOD wants me in His presence and did everything to ensure I could be - left nothing up to me. How utterly humbling.
So is it going to be easy? Nope. Living on "Me Street" is the easiest, most natural place to be. But you know what, it's the last place I should be. Is surrender easy? Nope - hurts worse than a dislocated shoulder because of this root we all have called pride. Is it worth it? Well, was I worth it? I mean, let's remember THE HOLY GOD sacrificed His One and Only Son when I was still a sinner, His enemy. He thought I was worth it. So is He worth it? Is surrender worth the pain? Is it worth whatever the cost? I was to Him. How could I give any less than everything back to Him?
Do I have it all figured out? Is it easy breezin from here on out because I've got it all together? Ummm - y'all don't know me very well. . . After going through this last night - this morning was a fresh time to surrender again. Because my will and my wants and my ways creep back in so easily. This is a day by day, minute by minute learning and living. In this earth, I'm never going to have it all together. I just pray that progressively (cause it won't be perfectly) I become more and more surrendered to THE HOLY GOD and learn to relinquish self so that it is all about Him and His glory.
What do I know of Holy?
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