Ok - it's just now 6 AM and I've already had a pretty decent cry this morning. Uggggg - but I think I needed it. One of my friends posted a video on Facebook that was both "beautiful" and yet heart-breakingly sad as well. Well, check it out for yourself... It's a little long but well worth the watch, and the language gets a little rough, but perhaps that response is so telling.
People React to Being Called Beautiful
I mean wow. But isn't that how most of us respond when someone tells us we are beautiful? We blush or break eye contact or "oh, you're too kind" and probably for the most part don't believe what we're being told. We've been conditioned that only the super models or athletes or movie stars are beautiful - and yet, I'm willing to bet that many of them ask the same question... "Am I beautiful?"
Think about it. "Do you like having your picture taken? Do you like seeing those pictures later? How do you feel when people ask you your age? The issue of beauty runs deep."
A dear friend of mine challenged me to read the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. It is a great book and one of the most challenging I've had to digest in awhile. It talks about the heart of a woman and what she longs for. One of those things is unveiled beauty - "a desire to be captivating in the depths of who you are."
What does every little girl ask? What does she want an affirmative answer to? "Am I lovely?" And truly, don't we even as grown-ups want to hear the same? So what happened? Why don't we believe the "Yes, you are lovely. You are beautiful."? It's this nice little thing called "shame". I love what Stasi writes, "Shame, the universal companion of women. It haunts us, nipping at our heels, feeding on our deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone. Aware of our deep failings, we pour contempt on our own hearts for wanting more."
And yet... "So God crated man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." - Genesis 1:27 If we have been created in the image of God, then part of that image is beauty.
"One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple." - Psalm 27:4.
"The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork." - Psalm 19:1. Think about the last sunrise or sunset you admired. Think about the last rainbow you saw. We take pictures of them and post them all over social medial. What do we say? How do we describe them? "Beautiful." And if those things are beautiful, and if they declare the glory of God, how beautiful He must be. Do you see where this is headed? And if we are created in God's image...
Let me be clear. It's not just a physical beauty. Even flowers fade. It is also that deep soulful/spiritual beauty. It's our very essence. And consider this: "There is a radiance hidden in your heart that the world desperately needs." But how will the world ever receive that gift if we throw aside our beauty? If we fall into the trap of shame, that somehow we are damaged beyond repair and there is nothing captivating about us?
Oh what pride Satan takes when he convinces us that there is nothing special about us. Because in doing so, he is convincing us that God is a liar. That we are not His "masterpieces." And yet we are. Or maybe he convinces us that to believe the truth of our beauty is pride and we've been taught how ugly that is. But again the truth: "My lover spoke to me, 'Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me'." - Song of Solomon 2:10. God calls us beautiful. Really? We're going to argue with Him?
"What have we to offer, really, others than who we are and what God has been pouring into our lives? It was not by accident that you were born; it was not by chance that you have the desires that you do." And let me add this. It's not an accident that you have the story that you do. It's part of what makes you captivating. It is part of your beauty. This world desperately needs the beauty placed inside your heart.
Beautiful - Mercy Me
So whatever you believe about yourself today, hear this. Not just from me, but from God, who created you in His image. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
Monday, December 7, 2015
Friday, June 12, 2015
What Am I Worth?
I debated over the title - but as this is a pretty personal blog - I guess it deserves a pretty personal title. But I do pose that question to each person reading this - ask yourself, "What Am I Worth?" Do you know? Bear with me, this is perhaps one of the biggest revelations I've received in awhile, but it needs a little background. Let me start by saying this, God's timing is always perfect. We may not always "get it" but He always has His reasons.
A couple of Sundays ago at church, the message was from John 5 about the guy at the pool who Jesus healed. I think perhaps one of the craziest questions - in my humble opinion - that Jesus ever asked is in these verses. Vs 6 (talking to a guy who had been an invalid for 38 years): "When Jesus saw him lying there and knew he had already been there a long time, he said to him, 'Do you want to be healed'?" Seriously?! What was the guy gonna say . . . "Naw, I'm fine just laying here on my mat, but thanks for asking." I mean, come on. So why did Jesus ask the question? Think about this. While he was lying on the mat, he had people to help meet his needs. People did for him because he couldn't do for himself. But what if he were well? What if he were whole? There would be responsibility on him - to provide for himself. To help others. Most importantly, to proclaim what Jesus had done. I think Jesus was asking if he was willing to take on that responsibility. What was his healing worth?
So here's the deal. Personally, what am I worth? Ask yourself if you really want to know - If you really want to know, keep reading; but remember knowing your worth is going to come with responsibility. "Do you want to be healed?" For me, the same question, "Do you want to know what you're worth?" While Jesus gave the invalid physical freedom, knowing what you're worth brings spiritual freedom. Last chance to turn back . . .
So was talking with Tamra yesterday and the topic of worth came up. The question she posed: Where does your worth come from? Don't skip ahead or give the Sunday school answer. Walk with me here.
All of us fall into the trap of tying our worth into people. "Well, I don't care what others think of me?" Really? Well, aren't you a people too? When was the last time you looked in the mirror and said, "I'm looking old or fat or ugly or ..." or even making it a positive, "I'm looking good, lost some weight, those glasses are sweet!" Further making the case that we are part of the people too - how do you define yourself? As a parent, by your job, as a child, as a friend . . . and if you "fail" in how you define yourself, then you find yourself feeling as thought you have less worth.
So either it's from external people (parents, friends, teachers, siblings, co-workers and this list could go on) who tell us how good or bad we are or from internal people (me, myself and I), we often find our worth based on what people (including ourselves) tell us we are worth. What is the flaw in this? Guess what?? PEOPLE CAN LIE! People can tear us down and hurt us or they can feed us compliment on compliment and stroke our ego (we do it to ourselves as well). But in either direction, if this is where I find my worth, I'm determining who I am based on a faulty, shifting system. Good today, bad tomorrow - up and down until the roller coaster just makes you want to puke! Don't know about you, but I'm ready to get off that ride!!
So back to the question: Where does my worth come from? What is the truth? If people lie, how can I know what is true about me? How can I know my worth? Well, who cannot lie? Now, yes, you can give the Sunday school answer - God. God cannot lie or even more amazing, will not change His mind. If I want a solid foundation for my worth, it needs to be based in and on what God says I'm worth. So what does God say and think I'm worth? What was shared with me, I want to share with you because to even begin to grasp the edge of this - knowing your worth brings freedom. You may have to fight some days to hang on to that truth - but it is truth. Remember, God cannot lie or change His mind. Do you want to know?
I'd never thought of it this way before, but God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit have all declared my worth.
God the Father: "Carrie Beth, you are worth my Son." Ok, sure. Got that. But do you? If you are a parent, pick a child. If you don't have kids, think of one in your life who is special. I'm in front of a firing squad. They are going to kill me. Unless . . . you are told they will spare me if you put that child up there instead. Your son, your daughter, your niece or nephew or whomever you love so much. Would you give them up for me? Anybody? And I'm not even saying you're giving up that child to save a bunch of people. It is one for one. That child for me. Any takers? Didn't think so. But God thought so. God thought I was worth His son. His ONLY son. Not to be down on me - but really? God thought I was worth His son. And yeah, even if I was the only one, I was worth His son. Wow!! But there's more. . .
God the Son: "Carrie Beth, you are worth my life." That child is gone. Now it's you and me. Would you give up your life for me? Would you take my place in front of that firing squad? It might be a little easier to say, "sure" because we all have a tendency to think we are that self-sacrificial. But would you really? If you could see every sin, every hateful part of me, every short-coming, every fault - would you see all that and still take my bullet? Jesus could and did see all that and he still let them pound those nails through his hands and feet. He still let them rip the flesh on his back and drive that crown of thorns into his head. He saw all of that yuck and still took my sin. He still took my punishment. He still died my death. He didn't wait til I cleaned up my act. He didn't wait until I "deserved" his life. While I was still a sinner . . . Oh my. Wait. There's still more . . .
God the Holy Spirit: "Carrie Beth, you are worth my home in heaven." Huh? Think about it. When Jesus left and went back to heaven, what promise was given? That He would send a comforter - the Holy Spirit. Hang tight - this is pretty cool. When we become Christians, we receive the Holy Spirit, right? He is our seal, our guarantee. So God the Holy Spirit is with us every day. Here. On earth. With me. It's like trading the mansion for the garbage can. Now I don't know about you, but when I think about what I know about heaven as well as what I imagine heaven to be like - the Holy Spirit gave that up for me - to be with me every day. No matter what or where I am and even now I still take him into the muck of every day. What am I worth? I'm worth God the Holy Spirit coming to earth as my comforter and giving up all the comfort of heaven.
Wow. The Father says I'm worth His son. The Son says I'm worth His life. The Spirit says I'm worth His home. And remember? GOD CANNOT LIE OR CHANGE HIS MIND.
Am I worthy? Absolutely not. But my worth isn't based on me, on who I am or anything I've done. My worth isn't based on what you think of me. The truth of my worth is in the solid foundation that God said I was worth everything and so He did it all. He gave it all. He gave me His worth. I did nothing. I can do nothing. It has been done. "IT IS FINISHED." And that is what I'm worth. And you know what? So are you!!
WOW.
A couple of Sundays ago at church, the message was from John 5 about the guy at the pool who Jesus healed. I think perhaps one of the craziest questions - in my humble opinion - that Jesus ever asked is in these verses. Vs 6 (talking to a guy who had been an invalid for 38 years): "When Jesus saw him lying there and knew he had already been there a long time, he said to him, 'Do you want to be healed'?" Seriously?! What was the guy gonna say . . . "Naw, I'm fine just laying here on my mat, but thanks for asking." I mean, come on. So why did Jesus ask the question? Think about this. While he was lying on the mat, he had people to help meet his needs. People did for him because he couldn't do for himself. But what if he were well? What if he were whole? There would be responsibility on him - to provide for himself. To help others. Most importantly, to proclaim what Jesus had done. I think Jesus was asking if he was willing to take on that responsibility. What was his healing worth?
So here's the deal. Personally, what am I worth? Ask yourself if you really want to know - If you really want to know, keep reading; but remember knowing your worth is going to come with responsibility. "Do you want to be healed?" For me, the same question, "Do you want to know what you're worth?" While Jesus gave the invalid physical freedom, knowing what you're worth brings spiritual freedom. Last chance to turn back . . .
So was talking with Tamra yesterday and the topic of worth came up. The question she posed: Where does your worth come from? Don't skip ahead or give the Sunday school answer. Walk with me here.
All of us fall into the trap of tying our worth into people. "Well, I don't care what others think of me?" Really? Well, aren't you a people too? When was the last time you looked in the mirror and said, "I'm looking old or fat or ugly or ..." or even making it a positive, "I'm looking good, lost some weight, those glasses are sweet!" Further making the case that we are part of the people too - how do you define yourself? As a parent, by your job, as a child, as a friend . . . and if you "fail" in how you define yourself, then you find yourself feeling as thought you have less worth.
So either it's from external people (parents, friends, teachers, siblings, co-workers and this list could go on) who tell us how good or bad we are or from internal people (me, myself and I), we often find our worth based on what people (including ourselves) tell us we are worth. What is the flaw in this? Guess what?? PEOPLE CAN LIE! People can tear us down and hurt us or they can feed us compliment on compliment and stroke our ego (we do it to ourselves as well). But in either direction, if this is where I find my worth, I'm determining who I am based on a faulty, shifting system. Good today, bad tomorrow - up and down until the roller coaster just makes you want to puke! Don't know about you, but I'm ready to get off that ride!!
So back to the question: Where does my worth come from? What is the truth? If people lie, how can I know what is true about me? How can I know my worth? Well, who cannot lie? Now, yes, you can give the Sunday school answer - God. God cannot lie or even more amazing, will not change His mind. If I want a solid foundation for my worth, it needs to be based in and on what God says I'm worth. So what does God say and think I'm worth? What was shared with me, I want to share with you because to even begin to grasp the edge of this - knowing your worth brings freedom. You may have to fight some days to hang on to that truth - but it is truth. Remember, God cannot lie or change His mind. Do you want to know?
I'd never thought of it this way before, but God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit have all declared my worth.
God the Father: "Carrie Beth, you are worth my Son." Ok, sure. Got that. But do you? If you are a parent, pick a child. If you don't have kids, think of one in your life who is special. I'm in front of a firing squad. They are going to kill me. Unless . . . you are told they will spare me if you put that child up there instead. Your son, your daughter, your niece or nephew or whomever you love so much. Would you give them up for me? Anybody? And I'm not even saying you're giving up that child to save a bunch of people. It is one for one. That child for me. Any takers? Didn't think so. But God thought so. God thought I was worth His son. His ONLY son. Not to be down on me - but really? God thought I was worth His son. And yeah, even if I was the only one, I was worth His son. Wow!! But there's more. . .
God the Son: "Carrie Beth, you are worth my life." That child is gone. Now it's you and me. Would you give up your life for me? Would you take my place in front of that firing squad? It might be a little easier to say, "sure" because we all have a tendency to think we are that self-sacrificial. But would you really? If you could see every sin, every hateful part of me, every short-coming, every fault - would you see all that and still take my bullet? Jesus could and did see all that and he still let them pound those nails through his hands and feet. He still let them rip the flesh on his back and drive that crown of thorns into his head. He saw all of that yuck and still took my sin. He still took my punishment. He still died my death. He didn't wait til I cleaned up my act. He didn't wait until I "deserved" his life. While I was still a sinner . . . Oh my. Wait. There's still more . . .
God the Holy Spirit: "Carrie Beth, you are worth my home in heaven." Huh? Think about it. When Jesus left and went back to heaven, what promise was given? That He would send a comforter - the Holy Spirit. Hang tight - this is pretty cool. When we become Christians, we receive the Holy Spirit, right? He is our seal, our guarantee. So God the Holy Spirit is with us every day. Here. On earth. With me. It's like trading the mansion for the garbage can. Now I don't know about you, but when I think about what I know about heaven as well as what I imagine heaven to be like - the Holy Spirit gave that up for me - to be with me every day. No matter what or where I am and even now I still take him into the muck of every day. What am I worth? I'm worth God the Holy Spirit coming to earth as my comforter and giving up all the comfort of heaven.
Wow. The Father says I'm worth His son. The Son says I'm worth His life. The Spirit says I'm worth His home. And remember? GOD CANNOT LIE OR CHANGE HIS MIND.
Am I worthy? Absolutely not. But my worth isn't based on me, on who I am or anything I've done. My worth isn't based on what you think of me. The truth of my worth is in the solid foundation that God said I was worth everything and so He did it all. He gave it all. He gave me His worth. I did nothing. I can do nothing. It has been done. "IT IS FINISHED." And that is what I'm worth. And you know what? So are you!!
WOW.
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Enough
God shows up in the most peculiar places sometimes. And He really doesn't care if you're ready for Him or not. Because guess what? He can do anything He wants to anyone He chooses, anytime and anywhere. When you're God, you kinda get that privilege. So walking on the treadmill at 6:20 in the morning at the gym seems like a perfectly logical place for Him to show up, right? Ok, in my mind when I was talking to Him last night at home seems more reasonable - but maybe the more correct statement here is when I was talking "at Him." And He decided to wait until He could get my undivided, quasi-unselfish attention. Thus the treadmill . . .
To be honest, things have been a little rocky lately. I now have a better handle on the why, but let's not spoil the surprise. I had a friend challenge me a couple of weeks ago to find time with Him. I had to spend time with Him or things weren't going to get better. So God and I started talking - or, more accurately, I started talking to/at Him. But I wasn't doing much listening. And I was getting angry because I didn't think He was listening. Or if He was, all He was saying was "NO" and I didn't think that was fair. I thought my requests were justified. But He was listening. He always is. And He was saying "NO" - not because He is hateful, but because He had something better.
Trying to kill an hour on the treadmill can sometimes be a chore in itself. I had my iPad and was going to listen to some music, but as I opened it, the Bible App caught my attention. When was the last time I had opened it? How far behind was I with my Professor Horner Bible Reading System? Oh, why not - I've got to get through 55 more minutes. I reset my reading to "catch me up" so that it would take me to the last day I read. And my reading today started with Matthew 27. Guess what Matthew 27 is about? Yeah, the death of Jesus. I've read this before. I've heard this a million times during the Easter season. Let's get through this passage. Man it's a long passage . . .
"Now from the sixth hour there was darkness over all the land until the ninth hour. And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, "Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?" that is, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:45-46)
Pause . . . re-wind. Re-read. "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" What????
"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"
Wait a minute . . . Jesus was what??? Forsaken??? Abandoned by God the Father??? I think the people who printed the Bible may have missed a little on the emotion of the moment.
"MY GOD, MY GOD, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?"
"And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice (John 19:30 records his words, "It is finished") and yielded up his spirit. And behold, the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. And the earth shook, and the rocks were split." (Matt 27:51)
If I hadn't been on the treadmill with a belt moving below my feet, I think I would have hit a dead stop.
"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"
"It is finished."
"And the curtain in the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom."
And the tears came. And God whispered, "I have NEVER forsaken you, Carrie Beth. NEVER and I NEVER WILL. I abandoned my Son for you. And when He said, 'IT IS FINISHED,' that is exactly what it meant. FINISHED. He was abandoned, forsaken for you, so you would never be. I opened the way. From me to you. Top to bottom. You cannot do anything to make me leave you. NOTHING.
I have heard every prayer and in my mercy have said, 'NO.' I have seen every tear and where you felt I was being silent, abandoning you, I was holding you tighter than you realized. Do you understand there is NOTHING you can do to change how I feel about you? I LOVE YOU. You don't have to try. You don't have to work. You don't have to do anything but let ME LOVE YOU. I always have and I always will."
There was no noise. There was no one else in the gym at that moment because in that moment, all that existed was God and me. And all the fears and all the failures and all the mistakes and all the pain and all the hurt and all the sadness came pouring out. "God you just don't get it. I'm not good enough. I'm not enough." And He gave me this song . . .
How Can it Be? - Lauren Daigle
"You plead my cause, you right my wrongs, you break my chains, you overcome. You gave Your life, to give me mine, You say that I am free. How can it be?"
"I've been hiding, Afraid I've let you down, inside I doubt, That you still love me, But in your eyes there's only grace now."
"Though I fall, You can make me new, From this death I will rise with you. Oh the grace reaching out for me. How can it be? How can it be?"
Look at all the "yous." Where is there anything about what I've done? He's done it all. And I just get all the benefits.
But today must have been a 2:1 special because He decided not to stop there. These words flooded my mind.
"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." (Heb 4:15-16)
Then Jesus posed this question. "You understand that there is nothing you go through, nothing you feel, nothing you think that I haven't already been through. You understand that, right?"
"Yes."
"Then do you also understand that while I have been through everything you ever will, there is something I went through you never will. Do you know what it is?"
"I think you are about to tell me."
"I was forsaken. For you. So you don't have to be. So you never will be. You will always have my mercy and my grace. Always. But you have to accept that it is enough. It's time you understand that I am enough. It's not about you being enough. I am enough."
Silence and sweaty, salty tears. "You break my chains . . ."
Recently in a conversation, a friend asked me quite directly, "When are you going to believe He is enough? You don't think He's good enough for you. You don't think He's enough."
In my pride and arrogance (yeah it comes in many forms), I replied, "It's not that He's not enough. I'm not enough."
And she said again, "No, you don't think He is enough. It has nothing to do with you."
Smart lady she is. While I wasn't boasting about my greatness, my pride and arrogance lay in my focus on my inadequacies. In some twisted sense being "proud" of not being enough. But He said, "It is finished."So yeah, I was saying He wasn't enough. But He is . . .
"Inside I doubt, That you still love me, But in your eyes there's only grace now."
How many times have I asked, demanded to know, if He loved me? And how fearful, how questioning of the love of other people. "How can anyone love THIS?" But man, if I can't get that He loves me . . . If I can't get that HE IS ENOUGH and it's only grace, there is no way I'm ever going to get that of a mere person. Of course I'm going to question every relationship. Of course I'm going to try to love and do and be in order to deserve love. And of course in my pride, it will never be enough. I will always be afraid that I will let Him down or let someone down because I didn't love "right" or "enough. Because see, I didn't think He was enough. But He is . . .
And seeing that He is enough, it changes the motivation of love. I do and I am because HE IS ENOUGH. It's love for the sake of love. Not trying to earn or be "enough" and find a deserving pat on the head. It's because HE is enough - His love is enough and in His love I can do and be for real and for honest. Love becomes freedom and is no longer a chore for acceptance.
"Oh the grace reaching out for me. How can it be?" Notice - it is reaching for me. Not me for it. God was/is grabbing hold of me and hanging on. He's not going to let go. Ever. Because HE IS ENOUGH.
How can it be? I don't know. But what do I know? HE IS ENOUGH and because He is - so am I.
To be honest, things have been a little rocky lately. I now have a better handle on the why, but let's not spoil the surprise. I had a friend challenge me a couple of weeks ago to find time with Him. I had to spend time with Him or things weren't going to get better. So God and I started talking - or, more accurately, I started talking to/at Him. But I wasn't doing much listening. And I was getting angry because I didn't think He was listening. Or if He was, all He was saying was "NO" and I didn't think that was fair. I thought my requests were justified. But He was listening. He always is. And He was saying "NO" - not because He is hateful, but because He had something better.
Trying to kill an hour on the treadmill can sometimes be a chore in itself. I had my iPad and was going to listen to some music, but as I opened it, the Bible App caught my attention. When was the last time I had opened it? How far behind was I with my Professor Horner Bible Reading System? Oh, why not - I've got to get through 55 more minutes. I reset my reading to "catch me up" so that it would take me to the last day I read. And my reading today started with Matthew 27. Guess what Matthew 27 is about? Yeah, the death of Jesus. I've read this before. I've heard this a million times during the Easter season. Let's get through this passage. Man it's a long passage . . .
"Now from the sixth hour there was darkness over all the land until the ninth hour. And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, "Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?" that is, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:45-46)
Pause . . . re-wind. Re-read. "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" What????
"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"
Wait a minute . . . Jesus was what??? Forsaken??? Abandoned by God the Father??? I think the people who printed the Bible may have missed a little on the emotion of the moment.
"MY GOD, MY GOD, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?"
"And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice (John 19:30 records his words, "It is finished") and yielded up his spirit. And behold, the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. And the earth shook, and the rocks were split." (Matt 27:51)
If I hadn't been on the treadmill with a belt moving below my feet, I think I would have hit a dead stop.
"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"
"It is finished."
"And the curtain in the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom."
And the tears came. And God whispered, "I have NEVER forsaken you, Carrie Beth. NEVER and I NEVER WILL. I abandoned my Son for you. And when He said, 'IT IS FINISHED,' that is exactly what it meant. FINISHED. He was abandoned, forsaken for you, so you would never be. I opened the way. From me to you. Top to bottom. You cannot do anything to make me leave you. NOTHING.
I have heard every prayer and in my mercy have said, 'NO.' I have seen every tear and where you felt I was being silent, abandoning you, I was holding you tighter than you realized. Do you understand there is NOTHING you can do to change how I feel about you? I LOVE YOU. You don't have to try. You don't have to work. You don't have to do anything but let ME LOVE YOU. I always have and I always will."
There was no noise. There was no one else in the gym at that moment because in that moment, all that existed was God and me. And all the fears and all the failures and all the mistakes and all the pain and all the hurt and all the sadness came pouring out. "God you just don't get it. I'm not good enough. I'm not enough." And He gave me this song . . .
How Can it Be? - Lauren Daigle
"You plead my cause, you right my wrongs, you break my chains, you overcome. You gave Your life, to give me mine, You say that I am free. How can it be?"
"I've been hiding, Afraid I've let you down, inside I doubt, That you still love me, But in your eyes there's only grace now."
"Though I fall, You can make me new, From this death I will rise with you. Oh the grace reaching out for me. How can it be? How can it be?"
Look at all the "yous." Where is there anything about what I've done? He's done it all. And I just get all the benefits.
But today must have been a 2:1 special because He decided not to stop there. These words flooded my mind.
"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." (Heb 4:15-16)
Then Jesus posed this question. "You understand that there is nothing you go through, nothing you feel, nothing you think that I haven't already been through. You understand that, right?"
"Yes."
"Then do you also understand that while I have been through everything you ever will, there is something I went through you never will. Do you know what it is?"
"I think you are about to tell me."
"I was forsaken. For you. So you don't have to be. So you never will be. You will always have my mercy and my grace. Always. But you have to accept that it is enough. It's time you understand that I am enough. It's not about you being enough. I am enough."
Silence and sweaty, salty tears. "You break my chains . . ."
Recently in a conversation, a friend asked me quite directly, "When are you going to believe He is enough? You don't think He's good enough for you. You don't think He's enough."
In my pride and arrogance (yeah it comes in many forms), I replied, "It's not that He's not enough. I'm not enough."
And she said again, "No, you don't think He is enough. It has nothing to do with you."
Smart lady she is. While I wasn't boasting about my greatness, my pride and arrogance lay in my focus on my inadequacies. In some twisted sense being "proud" of not being enough. But He said, "It is finished."So yeah, I was saying He wasn't enough. But He is . . .
"Inside I doubt, That you still love me, But in your eyes there's only grace now."
How many times have I asked, demanded to know, if He loved me? And how fearful, how questioning of the love of other people. "How can anyone love THIS?" But man, if I can't get that He loves me . . . If I can't get that HE IS ENOUGH and it's only grace, there is no way I'm ever going to get that of a mere person. Of course I'm going to question every relationship. Of course I'm going to try to love and do and be in order to deserve love. And of course in my pride, it will never be enough. I will always be afraid that I will let Him down or let someone down because I didn't love "right" or "enough. Because see, I didn't think He was enough. But He is . . .
And seeing that He is enough, it changes the motivation of love. I do and I am because HE IS ENOUGH. It's love for the sake of love. Not trying to earn or be "enough" and find a deserving pat on the head. It's because HE is enough - His love is enough and in His love I can do and be for real and for honest. Love becomes freedom and is no longer a chore for acceptance.
"Oh the grace reaching out for me. How can it be?" Notice - it is reaching for me. Not me for it. God was/is grabbing hold of me and hanging on. He's not going to let go. Ever. Because HE IS ENOUGH.
How can it be? I don't know. But what do I know? HE IS ENOUGH and because He is - so am I.
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