You are a Child of Mine

I like to bake. I like to be in the kitchen. If you know me, you know how true that is. But very few of you probably know the WHY. In the kitchen is where I have my best time with God. It's where we have our very best conversations - kinda like coffee with a friend. It's also where He likes to take me when He has something very important to show me or teach me. I can bake - it's therapeutic. We talk. I talk and so does He. Here's the thing - I like to bake/cook whatever you want to call it on a normal day. But there are days when my soul longs for it. And when that happens I know I'm in a place of much needed fellowship with my Father. When my heart is unsettled and the first thought is "I need to make something in the kitchen" - it's a guarantee that God has some unfinished business.

So it was tonight. And before I go much further, I need to apologize to a dear friend. You've listened and you've loved and you've cared and you've prayed and I'm sorry I took you and your gift of you for granted. You have always, consistently lived your Jesus in front of me and I am so thankful. But it was more than that - and I had to be broken to see it. So I'm sorry for taking so long to hear and believe.

OK - so what???? Randomness - it's me. I don't even know exactly how to start this. I've really been in a funk lately. And I've been struggling some days just to put one foot in front of the other. Talk about an Eeyore. I've gotten very introspective - and I'm sorry but whoever said that is a good idea is full of crap. Then problem is, when we look in - we are looking at ourselves and have taken our eyes off Jesus. We are creating ourselves as our own idol. And this is very much not a good place to be. Because it's here that we are sometimes reminded of our past or our current or fears of the future. We (I) begin to hear the voice of self-doubt, criticism - guilt and fear and shame run deep. "You're never going to be good enough. You're a disappointment. You've screwed up. You're lazy, you're fat, you're stupid, you're . . ." Pick your favorite. There's probably something in that list that has run through your head. But what about "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." (Jn 8:36). OR "For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery." (Gal 5:1) If I'm hearing and more specifically believing the voices, then where is freedom???

So . . . my goodness guess what??? A song . . .

You are a child of mine

"You are a child of Mine, born of My own design and you bear the heart of life. No matter where you go, oh, you will always know you have been made free in Christ. You are a child of mine."

I am His child. I am born of His design, "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." (Psalm 139:13-16)

Seriously???? Someone who is fearfully and wonderfully made - cannot ever be a disappointment. That would be saying God created a disappointment. Did God screw up when He made me??? I don't think so. Did God make something that wasn't "good" - that is to say - junk? Really??? But isn't that what I'm telling Him I believe whenever I allow myself to believe the lies? By dwelling on these things, believing them - accepting them as even partial truths - what an absolute insult to my Creator, my Father.

I am HIS child. I am His and He has set me free. I am not under the slavery of guilt or sin or shame. All the yuck and nastiness and tainted life of sin - He took it. He gave me in its place HIS robe of righteousness.

"Ahhhh, but yes. But think of your past, think of what you've done, think about who you've been. Really, you think you can ever be free from that???"

OK. Stop. Here's the down low on that - lie from the PIT OF HELL. "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." There is no qualification on that. It is what it is. Truth to stand on. So yes, I have a past. I have sin. I have things that could keep me wallowing in shame and guilt. But wow - look. It's me again. The focus is me - and I think we already know I'm a pretty crappy idol.

Yes, I've been forgiven. Yes, I am free of any guilt or shame - He has taken it all. BUT, maybe, just maybe there's even more to it than that. Stuff happens. Daily. Remember however, nothing happens outside of His control. Nothing happens without His OK. So knowing that little tidbit of information, here's a thought . . . I can be thankful for those times. No that was not a mistake or a stutter on the keyboard. I can thank Him for my past experiences. I can thank Him for the crap that comes with living in an imperfect world. Why? Because He has a reason. Nothing is by chance, nothing is for naught. Even if it's just to give the entry to be broken before Him, it was worth it. And maybe the opportunity comes to share with someone else held in bondage in similar sins or circumstances that there is freedom in Christ. "I am His and I am free." If one person can be encouraged, challenged, set free because of Christ working in my circumstances - I would do it all again. He did it for me. How can I do any less?

So the lies - that's what they are - nope! Not accepting them. I'm free. I am His child. He created me, he knew every page in my life book before my existence. He knew the goods, the bads and the uglies. And He loved me - and He set me free from all of them. I'm never going to be good enough. I don't have to be - He is and I'm wearing His robe.

I guess it all comes down to this. We've each one been created by a loving Heavenly Father. We are unique and no one else can ever be who we are or give what we can. He has an individual plan and purpose. Mine is not the same as any one else. And if I live in bondage to being good enough or trying to meet some other person's "good enough" - it's never gonna happen!! And I can try to keep the peace and be what everyone else would hope or want, but then I'm not being who He designed me to be. And there is no freedom there.

So it's time to stop looking at the past. It's time to stop looking at me. It's time to stop looking at what others want me to be (or what I perceive they want me to be). It's time to rest in Him. Find freedom in Him and not submit again to the yoke of slavery. I have been fearfully and wonderfully made and my life is His written work. My responsibility is to just let Him be God and then be who He created me to be.

Ahhhh what joy and peace there is in the freedom that comes from being a child of God.

Life is Precious and Short

I was on Facebook last night and a friend of mine had posted a comment. I'm going to paraphrase part of it. "We are meant to live God-sized lives. Life is short and precious. Don't live life afraid!" That really hit a chord with me. I began to wonder what I'm not living because I'm afraid. Some of you who read this and know me may be thinking, "I didn't know you were afraid of anything. You kill spiders with the best of them. You sleep in pitch black. You eat strange food. . ."

Guess what? I am afraid. I'm afraid of letting people down. I'm afraid of disappointing people. I'm afraid to touch on hard subjects because I might offend someone. I'm afraid to love because there might be hurt. I'm afraid to let go because I don't know where I'm going to fall. I'm afraid to take chances because I don't know the logical end. I'm afraid to be me, because you might not like me (you being general public, no one specifically). Am I afraid? Absolutely. But guess what? Life is short and precious. A vapor. What am I wasting by living afraid? What am I missing?

Why am I afraid? The King of Kings and Lord of Lords knows my name. The author of life wants me to call Him "Daddy." He chose me as His very own. He didn't wait for me to choose Him. He didn't ask me to make a choice - He knew I couldn't. He chose me. And I'm afraid because ?????

http://youtu.be/S0cMVmr11bY - I'm not exactly sure on an iPad how to change the link to the name of a song, but this is Sidewalk Prophets "Live Like That."

"I want to live like that, and give it all I have so that everything I say and do points to You. If love is who I am, then this is where I'll stand, recklessly abandoned never holding back. I want to live like that." 

So many great lyrics in this song. I think though, maybe living that God-sized life has a lot to do with living unafraid and living love. Am I going to do great big,noticeable things? I don't know. But honestly, I don't know that I want to. Mother Teresa said, "Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love." Great things meaning those things that the world sees as great. But is what I'm doing showing greatness because of the great love for my King? Am I doing what He's called me to do? Am I being who He created me to be? Am I reaching out to the people He has placed in my life to love with His love? Or am I living my life afraid?

If I am whose I say I am - then why is there any fear? "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear." I John 4:18a. Thought - if there is no fear in perfect love, then am I afraid of being loved perfectly? Think about it - from whom does perfect love come? God right? So am I afraid to let Him love me perfectly? Punch in the gut. Is that what I'm saying, "God, I don't want all Your love. I don't want all Your grace. I don't want all of You. I don't want You to have all of me." Is that what I'm saying living afraid? Ouch - ok, uncle. 

I'm tired of living afraid. I'm tired of living my life to "keep the peace." I'm tired of trying to do and be the "right" person so you'll like me. (Again you general public). I don't want to hurt anyone, but I don't want to be afraid of living who He has called me to be because I might hurt you (general public). If I accept His perfect love for me, I will live His perfect love. But His perfect love wasn't always peaceful and easy. Am I willing to let go - to not be afraid and accept that life isn't meant to always be peaceful and easy? Am I willing to live my life knowing He's the only one who truly matters anyway? If I'm living, pointing to Him in all I say and do, then I'm living His love and I'm living unafraid. And that sounds like a very good way to live. 

Life is short and precious. Don't live life afraid!